Death in the family

[Brian D]

Hello,

Unsure if this is a appropriate place to vent but I want to put my thoughts into words somewhere.

Christmas day my father passed at the age of 57 after a near two week fight with Covid 19 that lead to lower lug infection, than Kidney failure, and finally his heart gave out. He was a very healthy man going to the gym and eating well.

He leaves behind a loving family and home. My mom, sister, our dog Oakley and myself.

You can not change what happen, nor can you say what if... What if we did this, what if we went to this hospital, what if we took it more seriously earlier on.

As it all sets in I don't know who needs to hear this but life can change in a moments notice. If you have a family and kids make sure you have everything in line so if this day ever comes everyone has a better idea what to do. We don't know where my dad whats to be buried, what suit he wants to be in, and so much more. I know it sounds dumb if you to are a 50+ year old who feels healthy but if you where to pass tomorrow make sure your family knows your wishes.

Now for my regrets... as i go through my cell phone I notice that I don't have many photos, nor videos, or even sounds of his voice. I wish I had spent more time with him or found hobbies to connect with him more. We had a good relationship, but I spent to much time in my room playing league of legends vs being at the dinner table with my family. I also regret being 28 years old without a girlfriend / wife. The biggest gift my sister or I could of given him would of been grandkids as it was the next step in his life that he was looking so forward to.

My msg to those with kids. Please don't think you will live forever. Make a audio recording and put it aside so that your voice can be heard again. There is nothing I'd love more than to have a 30sec audio clip of him telling me he loves me and how proud of me he was. Take more photos and videos. Find stuff your kids like and try to find a hobby to do together.

 

[Oakman1992]

Man so sorry to hear about this. My biggest fear is to lose my dad. I’ve worked beside him since I was 13 years old and spend most of my days with him. There’s so many times we’re on the road trips or grabbing lunch and I catch myself on my phone or paying attention to other things. I catch myself and think man I have to soak this up. I’ve had so many people passing around me from the strangest of things lately. You truly never know when it’s your time. Just remember the good times. I’ve always kept voicemails my parents have left on my phone just because of this worry. I hope your family can come together and get through this terrible situation together. I’m so sorry for your loss. I was in your shoes once my dad is 59 I had gotten covid and then passed it on to him while working together. The thought of possibly passing on a death sentence drove me crazy but luckily he made it out better then me. Covid is weird and affects everyone differently. Keep your head up and know that he was always proud of you. One day when you have kids you’ll understand that you’ll always be proud of them no matter what. We all have our bad days but love prevails. Your family is in my thoughts!

 

[Nortika]

So sorry for you loss, my prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family,

 

[Brian D]

Man so sorry to hear about this. My biggest fear is to lose my dad. I’ve worked beside him since I was 13 years old and spend most of my days with him. There’s so many times we’re on the road trips or grabbing lunch and I catch myself on my phone or paying attention to other things. I catch myself and think man I have to soak this up. I’ve had so many people passing around me from the strangest of things lately. You truly never know when it’s your time. Just remember the good times. I’ve always kept voicemails my parents have left on my phone just because of this worry. I hope your family can come together and get through this terrible situation together. I’m so sorry for your loss. I was in your shoes once my dad is 59 I had gotten covid and then passed it on to him while working together. The thought of possibly passing on a death sentence drove me crazy but luckily he made it out better then me. Covid is weird and affects everyone differently. Keep your head up and know that he was always proud of you. One day when you have kids you’ll understand that you’ll always be proud of them no matter what. We all have our bad days but love prevails. Your family is in my thoughts!

I appreciate it, and know my story is like many others. I just hope to have a family myself and pass on the lessons I'm taking from this onto my future self. I'm glad you have such a strong relationship with your father and I hope to emulate it myself. Working with someone 40hr's+ a week makes for a strong relationship. Do me a favor and give your dad a hug and tell him you love him, you never know when it will be the last time.

 

[Brian D]

So sorry for you loss, my prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family,

thank you

 

[AbraxasFire]

Looks like you're the spitting image of your father. I'm so sorry for your loss. I never got to meet my dad, I was far too young to remember him before he passed away. My mother is 72 and we're not really the photo taking type, we don't even hug much, but for many years I've taken steps to make time to be with her. Our favorite pass-time is to have a cup of coffee and have a chat about anything, even silly things like "I read an article about aliens..." and we have many laughs. I treasure those moments. Sometimes I wish I had a way to record those moments, but my memories will stay with me for as long as I can.

I recently had a death in the family, back in September and February, and I know that feeling of "what if I had done this instead of that", and the doc at the hospital told me it wasn't worth beating myself up. He was right. It hurts, time doesn't make sense. Many things will feel wrong and disorienting, but remember you're not alone. Hold yourself up with the strength of your family, and hold them up too. It's gonna be difficult but the one thing you can do to honor your father is to grow closer and stronger with your family.

I wish you all strength and my deepest condolences.

 

[Carrera1963]

I lost my dad at 54 and share a lot of those sentiments, even though it was 20-odd years ago. One of the most heart-wrenching things I ever heard was my nephew (who was born 7 years after my dad passed away ) asking if grandad would have liked him.

Sorry for your loss and keep those memories you do have of your dad close - they never really fade away.

 

[Timhyde74]

My deepest sympathies for your loss brother. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through right now, and I dread the day I have to go through it myself. I made some horrible life choices that inevitably landed my a$$ in prison for almost 6 years. During that time I lost several of my loved ones, but the one that was the hardest to deal with was my grandmother, and my last living grandparent. We were very close, and before I got sentenced, I went to see her, and she told me she figured she would be gone before I got out, and, sadly, she was right. After I got home, in July of 2016, my parents gave me some Christmas gifts that they had been saving for me, on of which was a book, "Twas the night before Christmas." But it was a special book that, when I opened it, I heard my grandmothers voice, say my name, and then I sat and listened to her as she read the story in her sweet voice. I cried then, and I cry every Christmas eve, when me and my family sit and listen to my grandmother read that sweet story. I wouldn't trade that book for any amount of money in the world. It's the best Christmas gift I've ever received, and I want my parents to do the same for my kids.
Your post has reminded me that none of us are promised 1 minute from now, much less tomorrow, and I need to do more to document how awesome my loved ones are.
May God bless you, and your family in your time of grief, and may He comfort you all

 

[QLR1]

Losing a parent is hard. I lost my mom 2 years ago... and I had almost nothing physical to remind me of her. Mom was camera shy back in the day. I actually tried to ship myself some old things of hers but they were stolen off my doorstep (mail beat me home and it just sat there for a day or two). It sucks having nothing of hers.

I remember the last conversation we had like it was yesterday.

I agree with your suggestion about having voice-mail, pictures, etc. You never know when it's time for them (or anyone) to leave this earth.

I have no words, but you have my condolences. Keep those memories alive, generate new ones with the loved ones left here.

 

[cacatman]

Hello,

Unsure if this is a appropriate place to vent but I want to put my thoughts into words somewhere.

Christmas day my father passed at the age of 57 after a near two week fight with Covid 19 that lead to lower lug infection, than Kidney failure, and finally his heart gave out. He was a very healthy man going to the gym and eating well.

He leaves behind a loving family and home. My mom, sister, our dog Oakley and myself.

You can not change what happen, nor can you say what if... What if we did this, what if we went to this hospital, what if we took it more seriously earlier on.

As it all sets in I don't know who needs to hear this but life can change in a moments notice. If you have a family and kids make sure you have everything in line so if this day ever comes everyone has a better idea what to do. We don't know where my dad whats to be buried, what suit he wants to be in, and so much more. I know it sounds dumb if you to are a 50+ year old who feels healthy but if you where to pass tomorrow make sure your family knows your wishes.

Now for my regrets... as i go through my cell phone I notice that I don't have many photos, nor videos, or even sounds of his voice. I wish I had spent more time with him or found hobbies to connect with him more. We had a good relationship, but I spent to much time in my room playing league of legends vs being at the dinner table with my family. I also regret being 28 years old without a girlfriend / wife. The biggest gift my sister or I could of given him would of been grandkids as it was the next step in his life that he was looking so forward to.

My msg to those with kids. Please don't think you will live forever. Make a audio recording and put it aside so that your voice can be heard again. There is nothing I'd love more than to have a 30sec audio clip of him telling me he loves me and how proud of me he was. Take more photos and videos. Find stuff your kids like and try to find a hobby to do together.


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@Brian D, so sorry for your loss. Thankyou for sharing your personal reflections in such a public space. I'm making this a sticky for a while because IMHO, this is the most important post at O.F. I've seen this year, and it deserves people's attention. May your dad rest in peace.

Those of us who have gone through such loss will know that actually no fellow human can bring true comfort. Only God can do that. So that will be my prayer for you, today.

C.S. Lewis says, "True friends never say 'Goodbye'". I hope that you are also able to participate in that hope also.